turtlebaby: (tardis)
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turtlebaby: (Default)
Still have cancer. Still in as much 'remission' as they'll agree to for Stage IVB (you still have cancer, Erin, we can't get rid of it.) I'm not angry anymore, it's part of me. I don't want to die, but I'm not afraid of it anymore, I just want to live while I can. I mean, sometimes I still cry at movie previews and wedding invitations but I keep on keeping on. I won't let it consume me and steal my days with fear, I won't. I work hard to make every day a Day Well Spent.

I'm not dating a guy I should be dating. And by not dating I mean we hang out all the time, we have more meals together than I share with my roommate. We watch bad movies and fight about politics. We play video games and sometimes we take his GTO out and go illegally fast. We sit in his backyard and talk about life and stars. We don't sleep in the same bed. Sometimes I sleep on his couch. Two nights ago we had a deep conversation about why we aren't having sex with each other. The answer came from me because I'm the hold up - I always am. He doesn't love me like I love him. I've handed him the ball and opened the court, but he's 6 months out of a pretty nasty divorce and we aren't dating. Sometimes I touch him because I can and we're both pretty starved for skin contact, but never in a sexual manner, almost, but not quite. He doesn't always touch me back because I don't always like it, because he doesn't love me and that's ok. But I'll keep touching him. He's got it in him to love me, I can see it in how he looks at me. I can feel it when I touch him. I'm patient. We'll get there. He's a little broken. I'm dying. We're a really fucked up pair, let me tell you. It's fun, it's nice, it's calm, it's pretty fucking natural. I'm enjoying every fucking second of him, he thinks he's a waste of my time. I know better. I feel the potential in him. His heart, friends, it's beautiful. I hope he's happy. I want that for him, he's had such a shitty life. I just want him happy.

My best friend moved up from California. My paranoid side says she did it because I'm sick. She says she did it because she wants to raise her kids here. I think she's full of shit, who wants to raise their kids in North Dakota? Either way, I've missed her and I appreciate her being here.

My grandma turns 90 this week. Her parents lived to over 100. I just want half that. I want those genetics to kick this cancer in the ass and give me just half of what I'm destined for.

I'm still working as the FDM at a Best Western Plus. It's still amazing, even after 3 years. I've got a boss that gives a shit about me and health insurance that backed me through surgery, chemo, and so many scans that there's no way I would ever get out of debt without it. I am fucking lucky as shit and I know it. I lucked into this job, I found it by mistake - it fell into my lap. And goddamn am I grateful.

Anyway, not dating the boy. Still breathing. Still working. My life is GOOD.
turtlebaby: (White Collar)

Photo credit and link to the accompanying article:


And then I feel like bawling all over again. I have so many emotions tied up in the movie and it's been playing at the forefront of my mind all week.  I just, everything just feels. Pick an emotion, this movie poked at it.
turtlebaby: (spycamera)
Ok flist.  It's that time of year again.  I need some addresses to send cards out too.  I've got some biiiiiig plans this year...

Ok, I'm joking.  I don't. Just a card.  But I'd love to send you out one.  SO GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESSES.  I am not a creepy stalker scary girl.

I am Erin and I want to spread out holiday loves with ALL OF YOU.

So please.  Leave me your full name (Do NOT assume I know it) and mailing address (Do NOT assume I have that either!!)

Post NOT locked, but  All comments are screened with love.

ETA:  OK NOW COMMENTS ARE SCREENED. SORRY!!!  But if it's any consolation, the post was still locked at that point too.  o.O SORRY!!

I totes realized they weren't about two minutes after hitting the post button and then my internets died... again. Dumb internets.  Anyways - They ARE being screened as of RIGHT NOW!

Sorry sorry sorry!!
turtlebaby: (My brain is tiny)

Ok guys, I has a favor for all you horror movie watchers out there.  If you could *please* take a look at these images, and some of them are really poor quality, and tell me what movies they come from - I will LOVE YOU FOREVER.  Seriously.

Hell, if you could even tell me the name of the actor or actress in the screenshot, that would be a HUGENORMOUS help. Really. Please?

Images under the cut! )

I know I know some of these at least. I just *cannot* think of the names to save my life. Or my sanity, so it seems. If you can help, THANK YOU. If you cannot help... thanks anyways. *sad face*
turtlebaby: (wacky bastards)
This is stolen from... everyone on my flist at this point.


Comments are screened. With love, of course. xD

Ok Evil meme. YOU WIN.  )

Teh Scoreses:
1. [livejournal.com profile] eggb4thechicken - 69
2. [livejournal.com profile] gsrlove  - 60
3. [livejournal.com profile] sexymedicine  - 57
4. [livejournal.com profile] lux_eterna  - 54
5. [livejournal.com profile] theatresporter  - 42
6. [livejournal.com profile] cheekycrumpet  - 30

Very nice, ya'll Glad to see you're paying attention! YAY!

That was hard. lol. Like everyone else, I'll keep track. Don't worry, I'm not gonna award points on answers alone. I also judge wit. So if you don't know... GUESS. Make me smile. xD
turtlebaby: (wacky bastards)
Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. Post a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love. Tell me how much you love me or how much you hate me. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say!

Comments are screened, IPs will not be logged.


turtlebaby: (Default)

July 2017

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